The outside world saw a strong, independent woman who had it all together, but no one knew what I was hiding or what I was too embarrassed to let anyone know. You see, I could handle the deep depression I was in as it became a longtime “friend” but I could not deal with the sense of impending doom, the racing heart rate, the loss of vision, the loss of feeling in my arms and legs, the rapid breathing, the sweating, the nausea and the intense gripping fear anxiety and panic caused.
I could not spend one more night hysterically crying in bed completely fear stricken or in the fetal position heaving on the bathroom floor. I was done with it. I was done with my life and I was prepared and ready to end it.
But God…
At the moment I was a finger sweep away from pulling the trigger on the gun pressed firmly against my forehead, God swooped in. His voice came in the form of thoughts not of my own and He said, “You are going to come out of this. You are not a quitter and I’ve called you for more than this.” With sobbing breaths and a face full of tears, my trembling hand put the gun down. His timing is perfect, His grace is unwavering, His love is steadfast, and His healing knows no bounds.